It’s been a while

I’m almost 22 years old. Have I begun? I’m not certain.
All I do is read conspiracy theories and water my instagram seeds.
I’m trying to make a mark, here and there, where I can, for what’s important.
What is important?
I feel like my mind has expanded beyond what I could have ever imagined.
How could I stop before when there is so much for me now?
I always begin to give up.
It’s hard.
It’s an everlasting struggle. Journey. Of pain.
(literally)

I cried all last night, sleeping next to my parents in their bed.
We went to the swimming pool today and had a lovely time. I was being silly in the pool and not swimming properly, and I made my mother laugh. I love it when I do that. I wish I could do it all the time.
My dad took me on a ride on his motorbike, not too extravagant a ride, but it was lovely.
We rode down the coastal road and down a few tracks that went right to the oceans front.
It began raining on the way back, I wiped my eye shield with my over-sized leather gloves as I imagined a tiny windscreen wiper would.
I got one of these bad migraines I’ve been getting lately, it’s been horrible. I had a nap for 2 hours, woke up, stood up, suddenly felt so much worse. Like standing and being alive is the worst thing I could be doing. I went back to bed, with an icepack to my head.
Once numb, it feels much better. I think. I got up, collected my things, and went to my car.
This was probably the last day I am ever going to get to do these things with my parents, here, in this city. Time is coming, time is here.
They’re moving, and life is changing.
Am I going to feel alone?
Perhaps I might.
I still feel alone next to them. I still feel alone.

I’m not sure what I can do to wrap my little self up tightly with a bow. Will I be safe?
Can I trust myself?

It’s all okay, for the minute.
It’s okay.
I’ve got lots to hold, the cold, an okay face to behold.
Poet? No
Maybe
Okay

Lolita Fashion Shoot

Hi hi petals!
Haven’t had internet at my apartment so stealing this opportunity while at my parents to make a post ٩(•̤̀ᵕ•̤́๑)ᵒᵏᵎᵎᵎᵎ

A few weeks ago I modeled for my good friend Davey (FB page here) in lolita style fashion for his fashion photo project for uni.

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I borrowed the lavender dress off of a friend and the blue one was improvised! I didn’t manage to go all out or anything with accessories or even with fake lashes & contacts..but I think I did ok all the same (next time!!)

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I did, though, really like my doll-inspired makeup with heavy blush right under my eyes instead of more on the cheek, lavender eyeshadow and thick wings! I’m not sure if anybody would be interested in seeing a tutorial of it, but I was thinking of doing one~

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The location of the shoot was at Cloudehill Gardens up in Dandenong, it was absolutely stunning! Though, I do wish we were in a different season since not too many flowers were in bloom…but the garden was lovely and nice to trek through!
I filmed a little vlog behind-the-scenes of the shoot in the gardens which you can watch on my YouTube channel here -> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p8YJ-kgnFaE
Make sure to head over to Aiiro Photography to give the pics a Like and see more, also to check out Davey’s other photography works! He’s amazing! ^^

Let me know what you think!!!! Did I pull Lolita off??
Bye for now! ❤

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Moving out, furniture & plants | Life Update

I’ve slacked a bit on updating here, been a bit busy on my end! Just started getting comfortable with my work process since I joined a job agency and also started getting some casual work with a childcare centre I worked at last year. It’s been quite hectic and on top of it I actually changed the place I was moving out into, to a different place and slowly dragging my stuff over to there. 
Also got quite sick from work (it’s winter so no surprise everyone’s got the cold here) and really just either been working or sleeping, but since I had the day off today I thought I’d try to squeeze in some computer time between my sleeping to write a post! 

My favourite thing about moving out so far has been the furnishing part! 
Even though I only really get my room (and like the balcony since I’d be the only one to use it) to furnish, I’m still excited and planning to make it a really nice environment that I love coming home to.

Since my bedroom is only small, I’ve been looking at all the loft beds I can find. I’m planning on having a desk underneath and bookshelf, some comfy chair and then another shelf on the other side of the room with my TV. The colour scheme I’m going for is black with pastel accessories (lamps, paintings, lights etc) which I think would look nice since black furniture is really clean looking and the pop of colour would really stand out and keep it fresh. ^^

Been a little obsessed with wall decorations like pocket hangers, picture frames, bells, lights & paintings! Always checking every online site for these stuff, I love quirky designs and miss-matched styles. If anyone has any good suggestions or links for a store that has things like this, please let me know !!! 🙂

As for the balcony, I’ve already gotten a few things from clearance sales!
I got this cute mini greenhouse, some herb plants, strawberry plant & lovely little pots!
Here’s a pic of the set, haven’t had time to fix them up properly yet but thought I’d show ’em off anyway.
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DETAILS:

Greenhouse – $20 AUD from Ikea (au)
Mint, Rosemary, Lemon Thyme – $3 ea. from Bunnings
Red Gauntlet Strawberries – $4 from Bunnings
Pots – $2.50-3 ea. from a Bargain shop 

And from the clearance section in Harvey Norman I found these colourful rocket chairs that are usually $40 AUD ea. but since these ones had a few scratches were only $12 ea. !!!! *___*
I thought they would be cute stools for sitting on while painting, or out on the balcony. I was thinking I might paint the darker yellow one blue or purple or something different, not sure yet!

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I was thinking it might be good to vlog my moving out for the first time process but not sure since such a tiring process lugging everything over so maybe when I’m done moving in I’ll do a room tour or something? Anyway, that’s all for today, I hope everybody has been great and be sure to let me know any ideas or cute decorative DIY’s you’ve seen, that would be awesome!

Hope you’ve enjoyed reading and I’ll be sure to update more regularly soon. Have a great day! ❤ 

Learning about the Tarot & Daily readings

Hi everyone!

Just a topic a little different today, but thought I’d share since I’ve been quite consistently interested in this for a few weeks now.

Recently my mum gave me her old tarot card decks & tarot books, and I decided to give it a shot and learn.

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I’ve been fairly interested in tarot readings / astrology / crystals etc all of my life since I grew up with both of my parents (more so my mum) interested in them. My mum used to do readings often when I was a lot younger, and I always used to beg her to give me readings because I thought it was so cool. *laughs*

I gave the tarot books she gave me a good read first off. They give a lot of insight into what and why and how the cards are used and also how to give a good reading to someone, different spreads and their purposes, and the information on each card.

To me, I feel like tarot cards are very similar to using a pendulum, in the way that the ‘secret power’ to guide the cards/pendulums answers is merely the projection of your own energy. In that I mean, I think the energy to drive them is no outside force/magic, that the power source is simply you and through holding them the energy connects and flows into it. As well as personally handling them often, which makes them accustomed to your energy anyway.

Anyway, I’ve been practising doing horseshoe spreads a little for readings with my mum, a friend and myself. They worked out really well and the cards gave appropriate answers to the questions so I felt like the readings went pretty well. More often these past few weeks I’ve just been going with daily readings for myself, which is a 3 card draw of just Morning, Afternoon, Night.

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I’ve found that daily readings in this simple spread has been very beneficial and works quite well for me. I haven’t had a daily spread yet that didn’t exactly describe how I’ve been feeling. They’ve all been so accurate. I’ve also been getting a lot of the same cards which is highly curious to me.. but it makes sense in the way that they basically describe how I’ve been feeling in general lately, not just for the one day. But it’s still pretty cool.

I’ve taken a few pictures of my daily readings and their descriptions as from the book as examples for those who aren’t familiar with tarot readings. I thought some of you might find it interesting, or inspire you to learn tarot for yourself! 🙂

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Sometimes

I am not even going to attempt poetry right now since Ive had an awful time trying to express myself lately.
I havent really been feeling myself, or doing things I usually enjoy. I think I had anxiety attacks or asthma attacks recently. They really hurt my chest, and like usual a part of me enjoyed it. Enjoyed feeling such immense pain because it was almost like finally something worthwhile is happening in this boring grey toned bullshit of a month.
Its so common some times to feel so out of my body. I leave a song on repeat for the entire day or two, just getting lost in it. I imagine it as the soundtrack to my life, if my life was happening like a movie. I imagine myself on the top of a steep side of a mountain like I have been before, staring out at the field of hills and smaller mountains completely covered in trees. I felt alive, and I do when I remember it. I imagine being all by myself so far away from any body else. Its silent, but the “sound track” is playing in my head.
I feel so, so restless. Impatient. I want to escape, this, all. I want the nothing that is everything. I want it to swallow me and drown out everything in my wake, everything that is me, physically, gone. I want to feel apart of the vibration that is the whole of life, the sound in the wind and trees breathing.
Ok, so Ive found I am finding it possible to express myself here. I think thats the funny thing about time, changing so rapidly.
And you find, its no surprise that everybody feels the need to look back into it, into time and thoughts. Can we move forward? Or are we even moving? I cannot feel it, see it. I just imagine that I am in the everlasting presence that is among the mountains, wind, trees.
I cant see myself, maybe because Im not really here.

SdFghklfhj.

I know I wouldn’t be the only one who feels like they’re going through a midlife crisis even though I’m only at 19..I mean it’s safe to assume I might even have a fair few midlife crisises from now until I’m old old..but yeah regardless it’s not a really pleasant feeling and it makes you feel so knocked off your feet. ^^”

I think I’ve just been realising lately how important it is to plan things in life. I mean it’s always been obvious that it’s a bit silly to be spontaneous and go head first into specific things but I mean just like an overall get-your-shit-together is in order.
I want to start planning my outfits to wear, do more after shower body care (really getting into moisturising all my skin lately since it’s winter), exercise routine, actually have recipes and ingredients for the recipes to make decent delicious meals at home, make time for everything (since I have SO many things I need to do but never begin/don’t know where to start for ages), organise better with friends so I actually see them on a regular basis instead of dropping off the side of the planet for 3 weeks, daily routines and last but not least actually consistently putting effort into building skill on things I want to learn! 

IT ALL SOUNDS LIKE SO MUCH! And I guess it is. It’s my whole life and it’s so out of whack lately and I can’t stand for it any more.
I realise that once I’m living out of home I would be running around doing my thing like nobodies business, but I’m impatient and I’m trying to do the little steps into independent life and having full control of myself and there is no way I’m going to have full control until I organize and plan this shit out so I can follow the lead of the plan and not be a clueless braincell hopping about and actually DO THIS!
Okay so this was definitely a bit of a ramble on…but yes! Balance must be met. I just hate the process of changing things in life! The initial steps are always so hard. It always feels like such a big leap, and then you realise how stupid and how much you were overreacting about it all. I need to stop thinking to myself that I need someone else to push me. Because I know that someone needs to be myself!

Wicked Photography: Rooftop street fashion-inspired shoot

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Always wanted to try out something more street fashion-urban portrait look, highly inspired mainly by seeing street fashion photographs on tumblr and I just love the focus. I usually do portraits that work with nature more often, so it was really nice for a change and experiment!
With some help from friends I found this great roof top location, situated next to the WTC on Flinders Street in the CBD just a short tram ride from Flinders St Station.

The car park was very convenient, with a lift straight to the top and car park basically completely empty. The views were only slightly constricted, since there were buildings surrounding, but there was a great general view from the front side. It also turned out to be a really sunny day which is a rare sight this season, it was lovely but not really best for shoot conditions! ^^;
That said, a few of the photos came out quite washed out in brightness, though I still find some appeal in them. Luckily there were areas with shade (or I used reflector for shade) to grab a few more contrasted shots.

For the editing process I mainly used my curves that I have installed from various curve packs from deviantart, with adjustments on selective colour and saturation. I loved going with this warm but kind of fresh look with slight pale mint green coming through. I also had a lot of fun with using pinks and reds, since I normally don’t have a chance to go there.
Slight edits to the skin, eyebrow shape/stray eyebrow hairs and manual darkening of her eyeliner with the Burn tool for the more sharp contrasted look without having to blow out the whole photo in contrast.

Karlie is new to modelling but with some direction she came out to be an absolutely amazing subject for me to shoot. I’m in love with her current hair cut and she’s just completely beautiful in general with a really cool overall style. Really pleased with how many of the shots from this shoot turned out editable and presentable. Hope you enjoy them!

If you’d like to see more from me or from this shoot please feel free to head over to my FB page HERE! 🙂

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If you’d like to see more from me or from this shoot please feel free to head over to my FB page HERE! 🙂

Wicked Art: Handmade Painting Easel!

 

 

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While shopping for canvases at the shops a few days ago I came across a cheap easel that was on sale in the store, and I was fairly interested in getting one because I’m used to just resting my painting against a chair etc and it’s not that fun when it slips all over the floor and drops down! But with little money I didn’t really have the choice to get it but my dad had an idea to create one for me.

He spent the next 2 days creating this easel for me from recycled wood, shoe lace and a hinge laying around to build it! He followed a tutorial of Youtube (I’m not sure which one, but if anyone is interested I can hunt it down for you) and it came out rather pleasing!

I love how it has the hole-peg function, so much more simpler than standard easels and less parts required. The wood is also very strong and solid, much stronger than the thin standard easels at the shop. And since the wood was free of cost, and tools lying around, all in all this easel makes for a much better one than I could ever buy from the shop, especially considering how expensive they can be!

So my first painting project I’ve begun while using the easel is this colourful blue & purple wolf on a cream background. You may be wondering why on earth I chose a cream background for such a theme and it was because I initially was going to paint a sakura (aka Cherry blossom) tree on the canvas, but I lost my inspiration for it and ditched the idea.
Besides the tree & flowers, I had an idea that I wanted to paint animals in bright colourful schemes. So I just kind of went ahead with it on this canvas…I mean, I did try to choose colours that compliment the warm cream tone, with warm purple and mixing the purple with the blue. I think I like it, I’m glad I tried it anyway.

Here’s a WIP:

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Any other artists trying new ideas lately, and if so, what are they? 🙂

My fluffy loves.

 

I had a dream last night about my recently deceased cat, Misty, whom I had for 8 years, and it was hard. It was hard to wake up from a dream that felt so real, and like she was so close. In the dream she was in another yard, with a male cat (that is a neighbour cat in real life) and I couldn’t reach her, or go over the fence to see her.

I feel like I scatter my emotions a lot, like compartmentalizing thoughts, memories and feelings. And it’s only when I get a group of them together when it really overwhelms and hits me like a brick. But some times it’s good to explore those emotions and pain, I don’t know, that’s what I’m kind of doing here anyway.
I still think about her a lot. I can’t really think of it as ‘missing’ her, since I’m used to things being temporary..I guess the way I feel towards death is like a ‘long’ temporary? I accept she’s not coming back, but I never really feel like something is truly gone.
I always glance at photos of her, whether on instagram or my computer and the feeling is something unique. It’s like a familiar happiness, like a satisfying loading bar on 99%, but I just can’t reach the full 100%, because as much as she can seem in reach, she is so, so out of reach.

Ever since we got Rosie there’s been a little more love in the household. Her name was discussed in the car between mum & I, before we even knew she existed. I’m meant to be moving out soon so that’s definitely a big reason for why my mum got her, and specifically chose her breed (why did I just think of ‘brand’? haha) since Ragdolls are meant to be affectionate.

She sleeps by choice in the same spot Misty slept on, on the couch. That thought warms my heart on a regular basis. She also behaves like Babi did towards Misty when Babi was a kitten..except she’s slowly growing on her. Their relationship is basically parallel to Aurora & Maleficent’s from the latest Maleficent movie, bitter at first but growing slow and steady even if they do attack each other now and then. *laughs*

I’m really happy that Babi has found some kind of friendship in Rosie. I get way too excited when Rosie cleans Babi’s ears, or when they eat together or when they sleep together. It is just such a sweet, simple happiness.

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