I had a dream last night about my recently deceased cat, Misty, whom I had for 8 years, and it was hard. It was hard to wake up from a dream that felt so real, and like she was so close. In the dream she was in another yard, with a male cat (that is a neighbour cat in real life) and I couldn’t reach her, or go over the fence to see her.
I feel like I scatter my emotions a lot, like compartmentalizing thoughts, memories and feelings. And it’s only when I get a group of them together when it really overwhelms and hits me like a brick. But some times it’s good to explore those emotions and pain, I don’t know, that’s what I’m kind of doing here anyway.
I still think about her a lot. I can’t really think of it as ‘missing’ her, since I’m used to things being temporary..I guess the way I feel towards death is like a ‘long’ temporary? I accept she’s not coming back, but I never really feel like something is truly gone.
I always glance at photos of her, whether on instagram or my computer and the feeling is something unique. It’s like a familiar happiness, like a satisfying loading bar on 99%, but I just can’t reach the full 100%, because as much as she can seem in reach, she is so, so out of reach.
Ever since we got Rosie there’s been a little more love in the household. Her name was discussed in the car between mum & I, before we even knew she existed. I’m meant to be moving out soon so that’s definitely a big reason for why my mum got her, and specifically chose her breed (why did I just think of ‘brand’? haha) since Ragdolls are meant to be affectionate.
She sleeps by choice in the same spot Misty slept on, on the couch. That thought warms my heart on a regular basis. She also behaves like Babi did towards Misty when Babi was a kitten..except she’s slowly growing on her. Their relationship is basically parallel to Aurora & Maleficent’s from the latest Maleficent movie, bitter at first but growing slow and steady even if they do attack each other now and then. *laughs*
I’m really happy that Babi has found some kind of friendship in Rosie. I get way too excited when Rosie cleans Babi’s ears, or when they eat together or when they sleep together. It is just such a sweet, simple happiness.