It’s been a while

I’m almost 22 years old. Have I begun? I’m not certain.
All I do is read conspiracy theories and water my instagram seeds.
I’m trying to make a mark, here and there, where I can, for what’s important.
What is important?
I feel like my mind has expanded beyond what I could have ever imagined.
How could I stop before when there is so much for me now?
I always begin to give up.
It’s hard.
It’s an everlasting struggle. Journey. Of pain.

I cried all last night, sleeping next to my parents in their bed.
We went to the swimming pool today and had a lovely time. I was being silly in the pool and not swimming properly, and I made my mother laugh. I love it when I do that. I wish I could do it all the time.
My dad took me on a ride on his motorbike, not too extravagant a ride, but it was lovely.
We rode down the coastal road and down a few tracks that went right to the oceans front.
It began raining on the way back, I wiped my eye shield with my over-sized leather gloves as I imagined a tiny windscreen wiper would.
I got one of these bad migraines I’ve been getting lately, it’s been horrible. I had a nap for 2 hours, woke up, stood up, suddenly felt so much worse. Like standing and being alive is the worst thing I could be doing. I went back to bed, with an icepack to my head.
Once numb, it feels much better. I think. I got up, collected my things, and went to my car.
This was probably the last day I am ever going to get to do these things with my parents, here, in this city. Time is coming, time is here.
They’re moving, and life is changing.
Am I going to feel alone?
Perhaps I might.
I still feel alone next to them. I still feel alone.

I’m not sure what I can do to wrap my little self up tightly with a bow. Will I be safe?
Can I trust myself?

It’s all okay, for the minute.
It’s okay.
I’ve got lots to hold, the cold, an okay face to behold.
Poet? No


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